#1 most difficult job : mom

 There is nothing in life harder than seeing your child struggle and nothing more rewarding than seeing them succeed. I posted pictures and videos today on Facebook of Caroline walking on her walker at physical therapy.  Its moments like that that are a little bit of both.  It is so hard to see her struggle to do things that come so easy to most children. It is also so rewarding to watch her and see how far she has come.  She is truly our miracle and she surprises us everyday. I am having an emotional week because of her heart cath being this week. I know a lot of you are thinking that with all she has been through that a cath is "no big deal".  Caths to me are a very big deal and still very scary because she is still being put under. I have a dear friend that lost her precious child during a cath on the day that Caroline was born.   I know that Caroline has done well with them before and I believe that she will be okay,  I just wanted to explain why it is that I get so worked up about a cath. One of my worries about the cath is that she will be scared.  She hasn’t had a cath done since she has been old enough to know what is going on and it just tears me up inside to think about her being scared. As a mother I know that many of you can sympathize with this.  We are not talking about being scared of the dark or a big dog or something like that but a deep fear of people in white coats that Caroline has had for a while now.  I pray every night that when she is older that she will not remember any of this. I remember every second of every IV and every cut and every little thing that has caused her pain but my prayer is that she will remember nothing of it.  I don't want this post to come across as me complaining about anything or that I am not grateful for everything we have been blessed with. I just needed to vent a little and express my fears and heartache.

I will leave you with a picture from this weekend. We took Caroline to the Natural Science Museum and she had a great time!  I took this picture and told her to show me her heart (I have been trying to teach her how to make a heart with her hands) and this is what I got!

OH! And one more picture. Amy Norris with Brownie-Goose made Caroline her very own handmade baby doll named Clementine. Amy did such a wonderful job with the doll and Caroline loves it! Amy even added a heart to her chest so that Caroline would know just how special her little heart is.  This doll melts my heart and I am so grateful for a friend who wanted to make Caroline something to take with her to Philly for surgery. I know Clemmie will be sitting right beside her when she comes back from surgery!